sacredmonday

new year's resolution

Mon, 03 Jan 2005 08:16:00 GMT

less food, more exercise

Mon, 03 Jan 2005 07:30:04 GMT

have a sex-citing new year people!

Tue, 07 Dec 2004 02:45:52 GMT

i went to see 'taxi' with jay last night.
the movie was hilarious.

i was wearing this dark purple suit right,
and he was like 'is this new?'
i said, 'no.'
he said, 'you look handsome.'

learn chinese in 5 minutes

Wed, 03 Nov 2004 02:22:29 GMT

1) That's not right.................Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive?........Hu Yu Hai Ding?
3) See me ASAP.................Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man..........................Dum Gai
5) Small Horse............ Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach?...........Wai Yu So Tan?
7) I bumped into a coffee table.........Ai Bang Mai Ni
8) I think you need a face lift............Chin Tu Fat
9) It's very dark in here...............Wai So Dim?
10) I thought you were on a diet........Wai Yu Mun Ching?
11) This is a tow away zone...........No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week..Wai Yu Kum Nao?
13) Staying out of sight................Lei Ying Lo
14) He's cleaning his automobile......Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive......Yu Stin Ki Pu

a drunk

Fri, 29 Oct 2004 03:32:24 GMT

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood-curdling scream is heard coming from the bathroom.

A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.

The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming.

"What's all the screaming about in there?" he yells. "You're scaring my customers!"

"I'm just sitting here on the toilet," slurs the drunk, "and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my testicles."

The bartender opens the door, looks in, and says, "You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"

pink curtains

Fri, 29 Oct 2004 03:13:32 GMT

A Blonde enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains.

The salesman assured her that they had a large selection of pink
curtains. He showed her several patterns, but the blonde seemed to be having a hard time choosing. Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print.

The salesman asked what size curtains she needed.
The blonde replies "Fifteen inches."
"Fifteen inches???" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?"
The blonde tells him that they aren't for a room; they are for her
computer monitor.
The surprised salesman replies, "but, Miss, computers do not have
curtains!"
The blonde says, "Hellllooooooooo........I've got Windows!

coffee & viagra

Thu, 28 Oct 2004 09:19:42 GMT

A woman goes to the doctor and asks his help to revive her
husband's sex drive to be more excited and fun.

Doctor: Have you considered trying Viagra?
Women: Not a chance, He won't even take an aspirin for a headache.
Doctor: No problem, there's away around that, Drop it into his coffee
,he won't even taste it. Try it and come back in a week to let me know how you got on.

A week later Mrs. Murphy returns to the doctor and the doctor inquires
as to how things went.

Women: Oh doctor, it was horrible, horrible, horrible
Doctor: What happened? asks the doctor, aghas.
Women: Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee. The
Effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, swept the cutlery
off the table, ripped my clothes off and then proceeded to make
passionate love to me on the tabletop. It was just horrible!!
Doctor: What was horrible? asked the confused doctor. Was the sex not
fulfilling?

Women: Oh no, doctor, the sex was the best I've had in 25 years. But I
don't think I'll ever be able to show my face at Starbucks again! I took him to Starbuck to have a cup of coffee as you
suggested...

walmart application

Thu, 28 Oct 2004 08:21:36 GMT

This is an actual job application that a 75
year old senior submitted to Walmart in
Arkansas...they hired him because he
was so honest and funny.

NAME: George Martin

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right
person (or one who'll cooperate).

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President
or Vice President. But seriously, what ever is
available. If I was in a position to be picky, I
wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus
stock options and a Michael Ovitz style
severance package. If that's not possible,
make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle
management hostility.

SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible
collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p. m. Monday,
Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS? Yes, but
hey're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?
If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT
WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 Lbs.?
Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate
question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR
RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the
Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE
YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously
wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks
I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually,
I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE
AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

Something Nice To Know

Thu, 28 Oct 2004 07:34:07 GMT

Read Each One Carefully and Think About It a
Second or Two ..

1. I love you not because of who you are, but
because of who I am when I am with you..

2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the
one who is, won't make you cry.

3. Just because someone doesn't love you the
way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you
with all they have..

4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your
hand and touches your heart.

5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting
right beside them knowing you can't have them.

6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because
you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

7. To the world you may be one person, but to one
person you may be the world.

8. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who
isn't willing to waste their time on you.

9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people
before meeting the right one, so that when we finally
meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.

10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it
happened.

11. There's always going to be people that hurt
you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and
just be more careful about who you trust next time
around.

12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are
before you try and know someone else and expect them
to know you.

13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when
you! least expect them to.

REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON!

offer of love

Thu, 28 Oct 2004 07:27:20 GMT

To,
Juliet Grade 7.0 S.M

Sub: Offer of love!

Dearest Ms Juliet,

I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 16th of October (Saturday). With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. at 1500hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.

Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Ofcourse, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the jobtraining and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse. The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account. I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter,failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else.

I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.

Wish you all the best!

Thanking you in anticipation,

Yours sincerely,

Romeo HR Manager

Harley-Davidson & God

Thu, 28 Oct 2004 06:46:31 GMT

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven.

At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God."

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.
God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented Harley motorcycles, eh?!"

Arthur said, "Ya, that's me..."

God commented, "Well, what's the big deal about inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution, and can't run without a road!"

Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally spoke, "Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman ?"

God said, "Ah, yes."

"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention.

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much
4. The maintenance costs are outrageous, and
5. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust ! "

" Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."

God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.

The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.
"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."

meanings

Thu, 28 Oct 2004 06:39:07 GMT

Standing for what you believe in,
Regardless of the odds against you,
and the pressure that tears at your resistance,
... means courage.

Keeping a smile on your face,
When inside you feel like dying,
For the sake of supporting others,
... means strength.

Stopping at nothing,
And doing what's in your heart,
You know is right,
... means determination.

Doing more than is expected,
To make another's life a little more bearable,
Without uttering a single complaint,
... means compassion.

Helping a friend in need,
No matter the time or effort,
To the best of your ability,
... means loyalty.

Giving more than you have,
And expecting nothing,
But nothing in return,
... means selflessness.

Holding your head high,
And being the best you know you can be
When life seems to fall apart at your feet,
Facing each difficulty with the confidence
That time will bring you better tomorrows,
And never giving up,
... means confidence.

banger hates me

Fri, 15 Oct 2004 13:04:53 GMT

coz i kinda asked his gf if i cud see a pic of them together. and she sent me the pic. he got really pissed bout that. i dunno why. i did tell his gf that he looked like a retard... but i didnt mean it. he jokes alot so i thought it wudnt mean anything to em. but then again i didnt know him well to know how he wud react to such situation. so,... meh!

Friends of Women vs Friends of Men

Fri, 08 Oct 2004 06:10:23 GMT

Friends of women:
A wife was not at home for a whole night. So she tells her husband, the very next morning, that she stayed at her girlfriend's apartment over night.
So the husband calls 10 of her best girlfriends and none of them confirm that.

Friends of men:
A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the very next morning, that he stayed at his friend's apartment over night.
So the wife calls 10 of his best friends and 5 of them confirm that he stayed at their apartments that night and another 5 are claiming that he is still with them.

Tue, 05 Oct 2004 06:39:06 GMT

greg doesnt suck so much now. in fact, he turns out to be a nice dude... sometimes :p some people managed to piss me off and make me leave the channel at irc, but greg invited me to the channel again. tho we dont actually talk, but at least he shows me that he knows that im alive.

met some more interesting people in the channel, like dick, TheOracle, jumpy and more... too many to mention.

travis' site is up and about again. its nice to know whats been going on in his life. go ahead, take the link. you might like what he writes.

Tue, 28 Sep 2004 05:55:51 GMT

im saving up to buy a cam-cell phone thingy.

fun sunday

Mon, 27 Sep 2004 04:25:18 GMT

Went to see ‘Man on Fire’ with Jay on Sunday. It was fun. But I think I’d have to stop going out with him too often. I don’t wanna get attached to him or anything like that. I’m still not sure how I feel about him. I don’t wanna fall for him, and I know he will never fall for me, so…

have i lost a friend?

Thu, 23 Sep 2004 03:55:59 GMT

I used to chat with David every time we get online. We’d chat for hours and hours. I don’t know what happened but one day we just stopped chatting... for about a week or so. Just now, I sent him a Private Message asking how his life has been since the last time we talked. His replies were short and unelaborated. He used to talk a lot, even when he’s not asked. But he wasn’t being the David I know. I wonder what’s wrong. Is it me? Is it him? Did I choose the bad time to chat with him? Have I lost a friend?

I miss talking with him. I miss laughing at the silly things he says. I miss having him around, bugging my concentration while I’m working. I miss David.

the universe has unfolded itself.

Wed, 22 Sep 2004 01:18:17 GMT

i got my nick back. the obnoxious smart ass mutherfucker who stole my nick got his nick stolen by someone else. poor greg. what goes around comes around greg.

a knife to my back

Tue, 21 Sep 2004 09:32:29 GMT

the whole thing with greg isn't over yet. but something else happened. there's this guy named curt. he was always nice to me. we chatted on pm alot at aim. at least i thought he was nice. but today, i found out that he wasn't that nice. he was fake and he was mean. the worst part is that he pretended to be friendly when he actually doesnt like me. stop pretending people! if you don't like me just say it, show it. if you don't wanna be my friends just stay away from me. don't lead me on!

my gratitude to those who are willing to be my friends.</1>

greg sucks.

Tue, 21 Sep 2004 03:18:21 GMT

i've mentioned bout meeting a guy online, named greg and i said that he was annoying... well, it turned out that he was much much worse than annoying. he's an obnoxious motherfucker who fucks people's lives and rips everybody's hearts out of their body and eats them for pleasure.
ok i was exaggerating. what happened was... he stole my nick at mirc. i use my real name for my nick and he stole it. and then he said ugly stuff about me with my nick. and i can't get it back coz i'm computer illiterate. i hate em. so he knows computer shit and he can hack... so what? that doesn't give him the right to ruin my life. ok i was exaggerating again. but i really really really really hate the fuck outta him.

bottom line... greg sucks!

bummer... i dont like them.

Fri, 17 Sep 2004 05:45:17 GMT

Which Sexy Celebrity Couple Would You Have a Threesome With?

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oh yes baby... give it to me...

Fri, 17 Sep 2004 05:43:42 GMT

Rough, But Slightly Romantic

Do You Like it Rough and Dirty? Or Soft and Romantic?

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Fri, 17 Sep 2004 05:40:22 GMT

Hot Tamale!

What Temperature Are You In Bed?

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Fri, 17 Sep 2004 05:38:35 GMT

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